November 16, 2021

  • Kapernick: Pro sports is slavery - Is it? Maybe.

    It's essentially slavery in the sense that most of these athletes have nothing else going for them (coming from poor backgrounds, with no education) and have no better options than to sacrifice their bodies to the sport so the owners can rake in huge profits while players only get a small percentage of it.

    Take for example the number of NFL players who have been diagnosed with CTE after leaving the NFL ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgKfoatl8hk ) . A lot of these guys suffer severe mental issues and personality disorders, and they get left in the dust because they're no longer turning a profit for the owners. A lot of those guys get no medical care, and die painful deaths from drug overdose on painkillers or taking their own lives. This is the ugly side of the sport that the NFL tries to hide from the fans.

    If you take a step back and look at college football, you see college football is even worse. They entice athletes with full scholarships, but most of the athletes cannot graduate because the demands of being an athlete are too much to handle while also balancing a full school workload. Schools instead create fake classes to pad athletes grades so they can stay in the program. It's the athletes that suffer in the end, they get a subpar education that is not worth anything close to a real college degree, get no money/salary, and the universities and sports programs pocket all of the money with their multi-million dollar salaries on coaching staffs.

    I have heard some people say athletes are lazy and that's why they don't graduate. Haha. For those of you who went to a top 50 university in the USA, have any of you guys ever tried to work a full-time job while attending college full-time? I bet most of you have not. I did it but worked part time and I felt like I wanted to die from how burned out I was all the time after a while. School athletes spend 12-16 hours a day training and practicing, waking up at the break of dawn, but somehow need to find the time to balance an additional 20-40 hours a week of lectures and assignments.

    It's an impossible task and it's setting these people up for failure, and the schools know it but don't care, and this practice is perpetuated further in the NFL. Players' best interest is never taken into consideration. Long term health? Who cares. They will dope up many athletes who are in severe pain or injured, and should not even be on the field with painkillers like Toradol so they can go out and risk aggravating their injuries and cause permanent damage so the coach/owner can have an a shot at making 1 play ( Look up "Painkillers in the NFL" on YT, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gq9ytX0G5BM ). How would you feel working for a company/boss who makes you risk your life by running across a busy freeway to get him a cup of hot coffee?

    Is a cup of coffee or 1 play of football how much you value your entire life and future? Is that what you consider normal? Is this what people in this country believe the relationship between a worker and employee should be? If you get injured, they fire you and toss you out to fend for yourself, and go on to hire the next person, desperate for a chance to escape poverty and a chance at a better life.

    NCAA athletes don't get paid, and if they get injured, they don't get medical or workers' comp even though they contribute to billions of dollars in sales per year for team owners and the NCAA. Imagine college football like a 'training' ground where weaker 'slaves' are weeded out and thrown away, only for the 'strongest and most talented slaves' to make the cut and become 'official' workers on the plantation, and they get rewarded with medical care, actual pay, and prestige.

    You say they have a choice, but they look behind them and they see their brothers who did not make the cut either due to lack of talent or injury, and they're without an education or job, having to work as a job that doesn't require a degree such as salesman. Is that really a choice? It's like telling someone to swallow poison, or you're going to shoot them in the head. Yes, they have a choice, but not really.

    Behind all of the machismo, glory, and athleticism that gets promoted and advertised in sports, there is pain, addiction, manipulation, and abuse done by the rich playing their game of throwing pennies on the ground so the poor will dive in to rip each other apart while they laugh and collect stacks of $$$ bills from the audience, and the aftermath are athletes who are not the top 1% of the top 1%, the college athletes who got injured and never made it pro, the pro athletes who got injured and released, buried in hospital bills, homeless, suicidal, with no skillset, and nowhere to go. It might not be 'slavery' in the traditional sense where you are chained and forced to pick cotton, but I still think it is an abuse and disrespect to human life, and it isn't right.

June 11, 2019

  • 5 massages, 4 handjobs, and feeling utterly devoid of empathy

    I hadn't slept in about a day and a half, and so I popped another ritalin to stay awake and not fall asleep at work.

    I think that set me over the edge because I proceeded to feel really horny, like that disgusting type of horny that you feel where you'd let someone you want to fuck smear their shit all over your chest as you're both having sex because you're so overcome with lust only to feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted of yourself once the nut is busted.

    I figured getting a hand job at a massage parlor was decent middle ground versus hiring a prostitute or going on a binge bar hopping spree to wake up in a rando's bed. Quick, cheap, and not a detriment to my health amirite?

    So I walk into the first place, I guess you could say it's my go-to spot because I've been there twice before, and the lady knows what she's doing, really sensual with the touching and teasing until she finally plays with your dick and makes it implode on itself. Truly a master of her craft in dickplay.

    So I walk in, and to my disappointment it's another lady who I don't recognize. I'm thinking to myself, man I should just leave, but I'm tired, I'm horny, I stay and listen to what she has to offer and in the end it's not very good.

    I kind of suffer from death grip, so it's not easy for me to cum. Like, it takes serious mental fortitude and focus if I want to reach climax when I'm masturbating, otherwise I will end up with a numb penis and a tired hand after 30-50 minutes of strenuous exertion.

    So yea, this lady... She tries her best, she really does and I give it to her, she really gave an A+ effort, but it just didn't cut it. I kind of laid there on my back staring blankly into space wondering what the fuck I'm doing with my life before deciding that I was on a mission. I had already committed to finding release from the palms of another person, so I decided I needed to go back out there and find the holy grail of massage parlors.

    One after the other, it was a series of disappointing and embarrassing encounters until I finally found one shady ass fucking back alley parlor where the massuse literally looked like her mom couldn't put down the bottle during pregnancy because she had this weirdly shaped head that might as well have had a tattoo saying 'fetal alcohol syndrome' printed on her forehead.

    I'm not going to say that I was arosed by this, because I was far from arosed, but one thing I definitely was, was committed.

    I was committed to finishing what I started, it had been almost 3 hours since I left the office on my journey to ejaculate and I knew it was either going to be really good or really bad. Because sometimes you masturbate so ferociously beating the crap out of your chuck steak until it's flatter than rice paper and are rewarded with this epic jizzfest which feels like you're literally having the life sucked out of your dick, and other times it's like this disappointing dud like one of those giant rockets that you saved till the end of 4th of July thinking, 'Oh yea, fuck we can't light this bad boy just yet, I mean look at this fucking thing, it's huge. We gotta close out the show with this motherfucker.' And then you finally light it and BOOM! There it goes, like sparks flying up 2-3 feet into the air, no rockets, no bang bangs, just sparks. For like 5 fucking minutes, it just burns and burns and you expect it to do something incredible, develop into something spectacular like an awesome house beat, but instead it just poo poos into the dust.

    So yea, my eventual nut was basically the latter. I was laying there in this ghetto ass place where I literally just walked by a room where the door was ajar and I caught a glimpse of a naked 60-something year old fat guy covered in white hair all over his body living out his golden years and I was led into the far back. This buliding had no AC so it just smelled like stale oil and sweaty ass. Delicious.

    I think to myself, 'I hope the lady who was jerking off that old dude isn't coming into my room next, and if she is, I hope she at least washes her hands thoroughly with soap.' and as funny as it would be if the old-man-jerker did end up jerking me next and didn't wash her hands, I actually got someone else.

    Now, out of everyone I ran into, this lady was mega determined. The other women beat on my junk for 15 minutes until they finally gave up frustrated and said they couldn't go on anymore, but this woman literally worked that dick like she was trying to churn some fresh butter. She got both of her hands together on the shaft and worked it! She put her weight into it going back and fourth trying to create some strong tension and she went on like this for 20 minutes, beads of sweat were forming on her face and she was gasping for air and eventually I couldn't help myself but think out loud to her and say,

    "Hey, I got a question. I was wondering, is this like a normal experience for you? Do you just have guys come in here and say they want to get jerked off and literally lay on their backs for 30 minutes with no jizz coming out?"

    Man, the lady got fucking MAD when I said that. She looked at me and said, 'I think you're talking too much, like why are you talking? If you just shut up and focused on cumming, we would both be out of here by now. Do you enjoy this? Do you like both of us just sitting here and wasting time?'

    LMAO. Ok, so after that I shut the fuck up. The twilight hours were approaching and my time was almost up, but the lady was determined to have me finish before I left. She insisted that I do it myself, which I did, and I realized that I literally could not feel a fucking thing on my dick due to subjecting it to over 2 hours of hand jobs. There was no fucking way this was going to get finished, so I puckered up my face and made a low groan, then a slightly louder groan, and a slightly louder one after that until I finished with an 'AAARRRGGGHHHHHDFDF..' and pretended to cum, and she was like 'Holy fuck. Normally guys are done in like 3-5 minutes, but you're like one of those old guys who have ED.'

    I am well beyond my years.

    In other news, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years to date some other cute girl that messaged me on a dating app which I should have uninstalled. She's a post-doc student in neuroscience, and she's super chill. I have come to realize that my ex-gf and I will probably never work. The fact that I stayed with her for 3 years and my feelings toward our relationship is so fickle that I would drop her in an instant to pursue some random stranger speaks volumes about how I really feel towards her. Really, I don't love her, and I never will. She's the person who has always cared more in the relationship and she honestly deserves someone who isn't going to treat her like shit and ditch her the moment they find a better opportunity.

    Hello, I'm a piece of shit. Nice to meet you.

    Meanwhile, this other girl I'm dating is just tagging along for the ride with no idea about the absolute trainwreck that lies behind the curtain.

    Well, that's my update for today, I decided I'd write about the day because well... I felt like it, and I think I'm also too tired to feel any sense of guilt or shame right now.

    Anyway, this was a nice tangent from the normal banal existence I entertain on a regular basis... I literally dropped like 400 dollars today on massages. HILARIOUS.

    I need to study and prepare for my next job interview, but fuck me I'm tired but I'm also cracked out...... Alright I'm done. DEUCES.

October 20, 2018

  • Do I die now or later quiz

    Thank you for taking the time to take this brief quiz for those of us who have realized that death is inevitable and if we cannot control our lives, we can at least control how and when they end.

    After taking this quiz, you accumilate the points associated with an answer you provide. **Key provided at bottom

    Are you enjoying your life very much at the moment?

    1. Yes
    2. No

    Were you enjoying it before?

    1. Yes
    2. No

    How about now?

    1. Yes
    2. No

    And now?

    1. Yes
    2. No
    3. I hate you, but not as much as I hate myself and hate my life.

    Congratulations. You're finished!

    **A score under 5 means you should not die now and continue living. A score above 5 but below 10 means you should try your best to work through your struggles, then come back to retake this test in 12 months.
    A score above 10 means that you should probably consider ending your life now, if you aren't already, and also find a professional to consult with who specializes in these types of issues.

November 2, 2017

  • Closing out bad trades

    Sometimes I'm trading on the platform and I see a trade I made going south... Like really south.

    A few things go into my mind when I see this happening:

    1. Is this a surprise? Did I feel like the level of risk I took on was miscalculated? Did I fuck up?

    2. Should I eat the loss and close out?

    3. How fucked am I if I do nothing and things keep going south?

    In this case, I definitely fucked up. I took on way too much risk and kept closing out profit but never readjusting my exposure so after a month or so of doing this, I was heavily exposed to the trade I was doing going down. If it dropped by any significant amount for 2 back-to-back days, I was going to get destroyed and that is exactly what happened. It's not a matter of if it will happen, but more a question of when, and knowing this, I still went into denial and never fixed my risk profile which left me with a bomb ready to blow any second.

    Doing number 2 always hurts a lot. It feels like I'm losing a part of myself, and conversely when I close out a winning trade, it feels like I grew, like I gained something out of it.

    What does losing a part of myself feel like ? Sometimes it feels painless, like getting some hair cut off when it's a small loss, other times it is a little more painful like getting a nail pulled out when the loss is a little bigger.

    But today, it was probably one of the most painful I've had to deal with all year, I felt like I had to cut off a part of my arm, like I had to grab a cleaver and hack off everything below the elbow in order to save myself from being killed.

    It was a hard decision to make, and it ultimately ended up being the right decision because had I not, things would have spread even further and I wouldn't have a shoulder right now.

    The thing about that is, I can only hope through patience and learning that I never have to do that again. I say this, but I will probably make the same mistake at some time in the future because I am human and humans make mistakes, sometimes I get greedy, sometimes I get fearful and sometimes those emotions lead me into decisions that tend to expose me to levels of risk which I would not take under normal circumstances with a calm mind.

    In the future, I hope to have my arm back by growing it slowly by making sound decisions again... By being patient... I have learned my lesson for now.

March 20, 2017

  • 3/19/2017 Does anyone use this site anymore?

    Hmm, I had a conversation with an old xangan and was reminded of this site. I'm pleased to find that the site is still running, however I'm also kind of horrified that this site is still running.

    I went through and read a couple of my old posts, very cringe-worthy and definitely not something I would recommend others follow in.

    I'd like to write a book someday, a nice, long, shitty book that not a lot of people would finish reading let alone start. When will I find the time to compose my long missive about life?

    Preferably before I die, but actually the ideal situation is that technology eventually advances far enough that people can upload themselves onto the internet and live forever, this way I'll have all the time in the world to write my book.

    However, knowing this, I'd probably never write the book because I'd have no sense of urgency to get it done.

March 10, 2014

  • A loud family

    I am always happy for people when they are happy, however when their happiness begins to impede on the quality of my living, I get bothered.

    In my hotel room, I was enjoying the quiet solitude, the calm ocean waves gently brushing up against the shore when a gay family decided to be a bunch of faggots and stay in the room next to mine talking loudly, excitedly making plans on how to spend their night followed by what to do the following day for their week long vacation.

    Week long? Are you fucking kidding me? You're telling me I need to fucking sit in this room for a whole fucking week and listen to these god forsaken children scream on their sugar highs?

    I'm going to check out and check back into another room. This is just unacceptable. This happiness, this joy, this... love... is... sickening. Ugh.

January 29, 2014

  • Winters

    I always hate winters. They make me feel so agonized by the things going on in my life despite nothing really being wrong. But I always tend to focus around this time of year on the things that I do not have, but dearly want.

    I tend to create problems in winter, or maybe it's just year round and I tend to notice it more this time of year after all of the holidays.

    I really want to quit my job and do something else, but I don't know what it is I want to do or where to go.

    I have a business that is doing relatively well, however I cannot begin to imagine what the future holds. I've sort of lost faith in my work and motivation to stay where it is that I am. I feel like I need to change jobs because I really dislike the people that I work around, but I have a close friend that keeps urging me to stay despite my discontent.

    I'm honestly not sure, all I know is that I'm not happy with my current situation and it is slowly driving me insane. I keep telling myself that today will be an improvement, pushing myself to get up every morning and go to work instead of calling in sick, but what's the point? Really?

    The longer I stay at this job, the harder it is going to be for me to move onto another one. I feel like I am wasting my youth and energy on a group that is sucking the life out of me. Why on earth am I doing this to myself?

December 15, 2013

  • I thought everyone died

    I was wrong, because clearly some people are still alive and kicking. Like angry babies lying on their backs, waiting to be fed and have the shit wiped off their ass.

    A couple of things that have occurred since my last update:

    1. Started an online store.

    2. Became pseudo-rich for a short period of time through some nutso investments before losing it all from having that shit crash to the floor, walking away with a reasonable enough sum which I could use to buy a new BMW with or something, but instead I'll just throw it back into the market. *shrug*

    3. Came to this site in the hopes that my audio files are still here, but fuck you fuck you fuck you they're not.

    4. Going AWOL at my job on a regular basis because I no longer care about my life.

    5. Haven't eaten for 24 hours, probably should eat.

    6. Have not showered for days. I feel itchy. Probably should include showering on the to-do list, along with eating. Should probably make a to-do list as well, that needs to go on the list as well.

    7. Had a chipotle, panera bread, and in-n-out all open within a block of my apartment. How fucking sweet is life right now? Actually, I think savory is the right adjective....

    8. My poor attempt to move over to wordpress was a complete failure because the UI would constantly pull out it's huge, clunky interface and jam it up my butt without warning me. At least warn me. So I left angrily with my sore cinnamon ring to find another, but alas I've returned empty handed.

    9. Become completely isolated from human society, beginning to forget what natural light from the sun looks like.

    10. Bought a lot of drugs, plan to do them.

    11. Heard about a tsunami or tornado hitting the general region around thailand or something and a bunch of people losing their huts. Anyone else hear about that? I went to order a large pizza from pizza hut to give my support.

    What have you guys been up to since Xanga's demise?

    Hello? Anyone there? Guys?

July 31, 2013

  • Migrating

    FeStove.wordpress.com

    See ya. Figuring out this interface is going to be fun.

July 26, 2013