June 11, 2019

  • 5 massages, 4 handjobs, and feeling utterly devoid of empathy

    I hadn't slept in about a day and a half, and so I popped another ritalin to stay awake and not fall asleep at work.

    I think that set me over the edge because I proceeded to feel really horny, like that disgusting type of horny that you feel where you'd let someone you want to fuck smear their shit all over your chest as you're both having sex because you're so overcome with lust only to feel absolutely ashamed and disgusted of yourself once the nut is busted.

    I figured getting a hand job at a massage parlor was decent middle ground versus hiring a prostitute or going on a binge bar hopping spree to wake up in a rando's bed. Quick, cheap, and not a detriment to my health amirite?

    So I walk into the first place, I guess you could say it's my go-to spot because I've been there twice before, and the lady knows what she's doing, really sensual with the touching and teasing until she finally plays with your dick and makes it implode on itself. Truly a master of her craft in dickplay.

    So I walk in, and to my disappointment it's another lady who I don't recognize. I'm thinking to myself, man I should just leave, but I'm tired, I'm horny, I stay and listen to what she has to offer and in the end it's not very good.

    I kind of suffer from death grip, so it's not easy for me to cum. Like, it takes serious mental fortitude and focus if I want to reach climax when I'm masturbating, otherwise I will end up with a numb penis and a tired hand after 30-50 minutes of strenuous exertion.

    So yea, this lady... She tries her best, she really does and I give it to her, she really gave an A+ effort, but it just didn't cut it. I kind of laid there on my back staring blankly into space wondering what the fuck I'm doing with my life before deciding that I was on a mission. I had already committed to finding release from the palms of another person, so I decided I needed to go back out there and find the holy grail of massage parlors.

    One after the other, it was a series of disappointing and embarrassing encounters until I finally found one shady ass fucking back alley parlor where the massuse literally looked like her mom couldn't put down the bottle during pregnancy because she had this weirdly shaped head that might as well have had a tattoo saying 'fetal alcohol syndrome' printed on her forehead.

    I'm not going to say that I was arosed by this, because I was far from arosed, but one thing I definitely was, was committed.

    I was committed to finishing what I started, it had been almost 3 hours since I left the office on my journey to ejaculate and I knew it was either going to be really good or really bad. Because sometimes you masturbate so ferociously beating the crap out of your chuck steak until it's flatter than rice paper and are rewarded with this epic jizzfest which feels like you're literally having the life sucked out of your dick, and other times it's like this disappointing dud like one of those giant rockets that you saved till the end of 4th of July thinking, 'Oh yea, fuck we can't light this bad boy just yet, I mean look at this fucking thing, it's huge. We gotta close out the show with this motherfucker.' And then you finally light it and BOOM! There it goes, like sparks flying up 2-3 feet into the air, no rockets, no bang bangs, just sparks. For like 5 fucking minutes, it just burns and burns and you expect it to do something incredible, develop into something spectacular like an awesome house beat, but instead it just poo poos into the dust.

    So yea, my eventual nut was basically the latter. I was laying there in this ghetto ass place where I literally just walked by a room where the door was ajar and I caught a glimpse of a naked 60-something year old fat guy covered in white hair all over his body living out his golden years and I was led into the far back. This buliding had no AC so it just smelled like stale oil and sweaty ass. Delicious.

    I think to myself, 'I hope the lady who was jerking off that old dude isn't coming into my room next, and if she is, I hope she at least washes her hands thoroughly with soap.' and as funny as it would be if the old-man-jerker did end up jerking me next and didn't wash her hands, I actually got someone else.

    Now, out of everyone I ran into, this lady was mega determined. The other women beat on my junk for 15 minutes until they finally gave up frustrated and said they couldn't go on anymore, but this woman literally worked that dick like she was trying to churn some fresh butter. She got both of her hands together on the shaft and worked it! She put her weight into it going back and fourth trying to create some strong tension and she went on like this for 20 minutes, beads of sweat were forming on her face and she was gasping for air and eventually I couldn't help myself but think out loud to her and say,

    "Hey, I got a question. I was wondering, is this like a normal experience for you? Do you just have guys come in here and say they want to get jerked off and literally lay on their backs for 30 minutes with no jizz coming out?"

    Man, the lady got fucking MAD when I said that. She looked at me and said, 'I think you're talking too much, like why are you talking? If you just shut up and focused on cumming, we would both be out of here by now. Do you enjoy this? Do you like both of us just sitting here and wasting time?'

    LMAO. Ok, so after that I shut the fuck up. The twilight hours were approaching and my time was almost up, but the lady was determined to have me finish before I left. She insisted that I do it myself, which I did, and I realized that I literally could not feel a fucking thing on my dick due to subjecting it to over 2 hours of hand jobs. There was no fucking way this was going to get finished, so I puckered up my face and made a low groan, then a slightly louder groan, and a slightly louder one after that until I finished with an 'AAARRRGGGHHHHHDFDF..' and pretended to cum, and she was like 'Holy fuck. Normally guys are done in like 3-5 minutes, but you're like one of those old guys who have ED.'

    I am well beyond my years.

    In other news, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years to date some other cute girl that messaged me on a dating app which I should have uninstalled. She's a post-doc student in neuroscience, and she's super chill. I have come to realize that my ex-gf and I will probably never work. The fact that I stayed with her for 3 years and my feelings toward our relationship is so fickle that I would drop her in an instant to pursue some random stranger speaks volumes about how I really feel towards her. Really, I don't love her, and I never will. She's the person who has always cared more in the relationship and she honestly deserves someone who isn't going to treat her like shit and ditch her the moment they find a better opportunity.

    Hello, I'm a piece of shit. Nice to meet you.

    Meanwhile, this other girl I'm dating is just tagging along for the ride with no idea about the absolute trainwreck that lies behind the curtain.

    Well, that's my update for today, I decided I'd write about the day because well... I felt like it, and I think I'm also too tired to feel any sense of guilt or shame right now.

    Anyway, this was a nice tangent from the normal banal existence I entertain on a regular basis... I literally dropped like 400 dollars today on massages. HILARIOUS.

    I need to study and prepare for my next job interview, but fuck me I'm tired but I'm also cracked out...... Alright I'm done. DEUCES.