March 20, 2012

• RANT

  I have been able to calm my mind after writing down my thoughts and looking back at them to see where they were taking me. What I have realized from all of this is:

  People, some people that is, truly care about me in some way or another and even if they don't, even if it's just a temporary illusion destined to disappear at some point in the future, I should at the very least enjoy it while it lasts for all things in life, including life itself, eventually comes to a tragically beautiful end.

  Feeding my mind with paranoia is not conducive towards my well being. Constantly overthinking actions made by others and attempting to read into their subconscious (something which I do poorly at best with regards to my own subconscious) is a very stupid thing to attempt to do and will only cause me to tire myself out running in mental circles, ultimately getting nowhere and making no progress whatsoever.

  Regardless of how a situation is, my thinking about it will not assist nor change it. Ultimately the only thing which impacts life directly is direct action. If I am worried about something, then I should do something about it, not ask about it, not think about it, not consult other people for their opinions, but simply be strong and DO something about it. That is how one makes progress and gets results.

  Attempting to think about my opponents future move and their motive is quite the waste of time, just as in chess, while the previous move certainly does have an impact, the current state of the board is actually more important as it determines what the possible outcomes are for both sides of the field. By analyzing the current state of the game, regardless of what action your opponent took or will take, there is always a best move for YOU on the board which is not impacted by the other side, that is, a place for you to move a piece which gives you both a present positional advantage and weighted future advantage which will allow you more room for flexibility and adaptation for dynamic changes (i.e. your opponent) versus attempting to meticulously plan everything out only to find that the only thing that went according to plan was your first move then everything afterwards went in a completely different direction thus invalidating all of the time you used to build your strategy making the entire thought process it took to produce said strategy completely and utterly useless.

  Basically, the lesson I've learned (Well, I learned this before, but you forget sometimes!) is that you should focus on the present. Stay in the present and fuck the past. FUCK the past. It just clouds your thoughts and hinders your ability to see things clearly, to move clearly and find the best path for yourself. It truly is a liberating moment when you are able to calmly flush the thoughts which plague you out of your mind, and reapproach and reassess the situation with a mind as clear as the sky after a massive typhoon.

  So thus in closing, I will post a quote here which I do not remind myself of enough in the hopes that I will remember it tomorrow and not allow my mistakes and missteps from the past get in the way of attempting to make the right move in the future... just because it didn't work and you got burned before, does NOT mean the same thing will happen if you try at it again (that type of logic is like saying there is one single strategy that you can repeat over and over to guarantee success... It simply does not exist, in a more abstract sense, the same ideology applies to failure, just because you attempted at something before and failed, does not guarantee failure if you try again). Nothing in life is consistent. Nothing in life is absolute.

  "If you mess up or play the wrong note, fuck it! It’s done man, you can’t go back to that. The river keeps flowing. Stay in the present!"

  • 1:06 am
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