I'm sick of being poor. I'll take no less than $250,000 a year to plant my ass on an expensive leather chair with rolly-wheels and roll through the office passing by each cubicle and barking orders at people making less money than me. Chop chop, pork chops!
Yes, I'm about to head off to work, and no I haven't slept yet.
Ever since I've moved here I've had shit for sleep. I can't take more than 5 hours every night, usually I'm only down for 3. I did not even know I was physically capable of being awake so long without feeling so tired, but every day when I get off from work and go onto the subway, I fall asleep and dream.
I think I understand now why they say everyone in this city is in a hurry. When I wake up and go to work, it takes an hour, sometimes more. It's not uncommon for my trip back home to take 2 hours due to train delays and various other clusterfucks of living in such a congested area.
Almost everyone in this city commutes because it is too expensive to live here. I ride the train everyday with hundreds of people, walk by them, walk with them, and they are all headed in the same place. It is then I realize they are all commuting just as long as me too, if not longer. Back in California, if you had to commute an hour to get to work everyday, people would pity you and say that's fucking ridiculous. A waste of time and life. I have to agree with it, 1 hour there, 1 hour back. That's 2 hours a day, 60 hours a month, 720 hours a year. You lose approximately 30 days a year working here in NYC just traveling the same route everyday.
That essentially means people live less while they're here. Your life is cut down, and shortened drastically. With only 24 hours in the day, you sleep, get up to work, then have some free time. The only way I've been able to compensate for the time I've lost traveling is by sleeping less. And less. Say you sleep 8 hours a day, work another 8, that leaves you 8 hours to yourself. You can watch a show and BAM! already more than a tenth of your 'free' time is gone sitting in front of a television rotting away, just like you were rotting sitting on the subway regardless of whether you were reading a book, listening to music, or staring aimlessly out the window as you saw the scenery pass by in a blur because all things rot with time; it is a slow, gradual, and steady decay.
Combine that with the commute and you have anywhere between 6-3 hours to 'do what you want' when you finally make it home. So that means in our modern society, approximately 18 of your 24 hours in the day is spent not doing what you want to do.
Because of this, the year is 12 months in Los Angeles and 11 in NYC. I used to think it was the winter weather that might motivate people in NYC to be so rude, but it's just the fact that they are all jaded. Jaded by the time they've lost and are unable to get back, the time spent on things that have no value, and bring no value to the person. Far too jaded to waste their precious time attempting to be courteous to someone they will never see again. Spending 2 hours everyday crammed into a subway cart with strangers who you will never get to know, all going to different places, carrying on different lives, all holding different pasts... To think that so many people from so many different backgrounds can gather together into a small, cramped space for an extended period of time and then leave without even bothering or being curious to try and communicate with one another... That's what our society has evolved to, one that is strongly divided and the city demonstrates it the best. In LA it is the same, but instead of subway carts, you see people all riding cars in packed freeways. Most riding alone.
That is why people in this city might be more aggressive, because they feel like they have no time, and it's true... When traveling 2-4 hours everyday is part of your regular 5 day a week schedule, on top of working 40-70 hours a week, that means you're spending about 60-90 hours a week being a slave to another human being. At that point, when your window of opportunity has shrunk, then you feel that sense of urgency. Instead of spending days playing games, going out to have fun and getting lost in hedonistic endeavors, you feel the pressure... To move. But some people still choose not to react and instead learn to live with the burden.
Found a small room in the Harlem area, around 117th street, right above central park with some artist that does wood paintings and a bio student at Columbia Uni. Maybe. I was considering living with someone down in Bensonhurst, but she was kind of OCD about being clean. Wanted me to clean the entire apartment every other week (Switching with her) lolwut. I'm a MANNNN! I don't do those things, I'm supposed to just sit on the couch, drink beer, and feel my ass grow. What is this madness?
How is living in Harlem or the Bronx? So far, I've limited my search to areas of Brooklyn such as Bushwick/Bensonhurst, and Queens in Astoria/Jackson Heights but I see a lot of good prices for living in Harlem and the Bronx, but people I met in the city told me to avoid the area.... So what are your opinions?
I'm looking for a new place to stay by the end of this week, otherwise I'm in deep shit. I've been hopping all around looking at places and today I went down to the Bushwick/Bedford area of Brooklyn to check out two sites.
So my friend tells me Bushwick is 'gentrified' and a safe place to live... I ask him, 'Oh have you ever been there?' And he tells me, 'No, I haven't.'
Mind you, this is the same friend who tells me to man up but is also afraid to sit next to a black person on a subway.
So I take it that his advice is coming out of his ass.
Anyway... Regardless of that, I still go to check out the place and as I get off the subway station I run into 3 bums asking for change and when I walk out to the street, I see this thinly guy huddled up in the dusky corner smoking crack. Gentrified indeed. Looks like I've found my home.
It literally looks like I walked onto the set of The Wire.
I see these groups of men just hanging around loitering and they just give me this staredown as I walk by and I'm like 'uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... (~_^)V ah-shaaa!' AHAHAHA.
I ask two of the guys I might be living with 'So how's the neighborhood?'
They both exchange these uncomfortable glances with each other for a split second and go, 'It's..... alright....' 
You know shit is really fucked up when even the black people think shit is fucked up (Yes, my potential roommates were all black. Go me! Token Asian guy living in a 80% African-American community!)
No, but seriously, I'm not fucking living here unless I have no choice. There was trash and shit everywhere. EVERYWHERE! The neighborhood looked like one of those types of places where you'd have to be a fucking idiot to walk through at night, and considering how I like to spend most of my nights in the city and come back around 2-3 AM, I don't think I'm going to like having to walk backwards to watch my back, then forwards to watch my front, then backwards again, then spinning all around and doing the hokey pokey.
And I'm going to have to say no to Chinatown too. This asian lady tried to strong-arm me into accepting her offer, 'This great place to live, you live here. YOU LIVE HERE NOW!!!'
Realistically, I am probably going to move to South Brooklyn or Queens. I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of miss living around Asian people, that is, I kind of miss the feeling of not feeling like you're going to get beaten up and robbed for simply walking home late at night.
After working at my job at the courthouses for the past 4 weeks, I have to say that I really blew the soul-crushing aspect of it out of proportion. The truth is that the job itself was very tough in the beginning because I was new to it, but once I got a feel for the pace of the job, I actually like the position I have, the people I work with, and the environment.
It's actually pretty invigorating and inspiring to walk by the supreme court, city hall, and Brooklyn bridge every morning on my way to the civil court and to be honest, pictures can't really capture the magnificence of the structures (I also feel the same way about photographs of nature like shooting a photo off of a massive cliff, you just kind of have to be there yourself to really get the full enjoyment out of it). Seeing that stuff every morning just fills me up with energy and makes me think to myself, "When I grow up, I want to be big and strong and have well-structured foundations like one of these courthouses or bridges. And be immortal."
The food here is ALRIGHT. I mean, compared to southern California, it just doesn't compare (Sorry!), but the people here do a nice job nonetheless. I mean, the Asian food here is a mile above that in Texas, I'll at least give them that. My job is located right smack in the middle of everything, so for lunch I can walk 2 blocks north over to Little Italy, two blocks east over to China Town, and after work, I can browse all of those cheap clothing/souvenir stores to examine the handiwork of the eastern Asian slave-children. Alternatively, the fashion districts are located a train stop down so it's always fun to check out what they have over there.
Enough of these boring details! So I bought these tickets to see Dash Berlin down at Pacha about 2 weeks ago and my friend promised to go as well, but last second the fucker bailed so I was forced to roll solo and just see how things went by myself. Now, this isn't the first time I've gone to a club by myself like a creeper, but it was the first time I went in NYC so it was definitely an interesting experience. I get to the place about a half hour after it opens and I decide to grab a drink first before I head in to save myself from blowing a bill on alcohol, so I head over to a nearby pub and sit up at the bar and order myself something before I head over to the club. While I'm there, I try to chat it up with the bartender, who despite being busy as fuck, takes the time to tell me about the scene at the club and how the people are (Yea, that's what happens when you tip a guy a $5 instead of a $1). Some dudes overhear me sitting nearby and ask me if I'm going over to Pacha to which I say yea, and they are like, 'Oh dude, we're going as well!' so we start chatting it up.
The first guy is named Ritz (lol) and the second guy is John, and randomly enough, they are both friends from meeting up on Reddit (Yes, the internet site) and when they find out I am going by myself, they invite me to join them to which I hesitantly accept (These guys did not look like the 'fun' type of guys that you want to roll with when you go clubbing. Infact, they looked more like femalus repulsus which I'll leave you guessing as to what that could possibly mean).
During my chat with the guys, I ask them if either smoke and they both say no so I head outside on my own for a cigarette. While I'm outside, a group walks by and a guy that looks totally trashed walks up to me asking for a smoke to which I'm more than happy to provide. After he says thanks, I ask him if he's heading to Pacha as well and he responds with a, 'Ffffffuuuuuuuckkkkk yeaaaaaa!!! 
DD' hahaha.
We talk for a bit and then a girl from the group calls him and then he's tells me 'Thanks for the smoke, see you inside.' and then we part ways and I head back inside with the two dudes.
After we all finish our drinks and head inside, the club is actually not very packed (Since it was only 11 and Thursday). The two guys just kind of stand there watching and not really doing anything so I am like 'Fuck this' and walk downstairs to check out the floor. I turn around and the two guys are just following me and down at the dance floor, I decide to let loose and just move around a bit to the music and the guys just continue standing there. I ask the guy named Ritz
'Do you even lilke this music?'
And he responds, 'Yea, I love it!'
Then I ask him, 'Why aren't either of you dancing then?'
And he tells me, 'I only dance when things get good!'
I don't even fucking know what that means.
The guy named John says, 'I don't dance' in this condescending 'I'm too fucking cool to dance so I'd rather stand still like a statue and judge people when in reality I'm a terrible dancer and too self-conscious to get over it and just enjoy the music' kind of tone so I'm like 'That's cool man! 
'
As I expected, these guys were just not really willing to let loose and have fun thus I saw them as an immediate threat to my enjoyment for the rest of the night and decided I would take definitive measures to amputate myself from the group.
I hung out with the guys until the club got a little bit more packed then I told them I'm going to walk around and did so with no intention of returning.
I move through the club and dance with a few people, then later on in the night as I'm walking along the side of the floor, I bump into the guy I had a smoke with earlier and we're both like 'HEYYYY!!!:D'. Me being a friendly person and him being a friendly person, result in both of us hitting it off talking about the music and how great the night is so far. The guy warms up to me right away then introduces me to his girlfriend and the rest of his group and we hang out for most of the night wandering around and having a blast.
At the end when the place starts closing up, we add each other on facebook (hahaha) and exchange numbers and agree to stay in touch for other events.
Overall, it was a very good experience considering I went by myself and it could have turned out a lot worse (based on past experience), so thank god it didn't.
I walk out of the club around 4 AM with about 20 cab drivers asking me if I want a ride back and I'm like 'fuck that shit!' and proceed to walk into the subway with them telling me I'm gonna get robbed. Well guess what? Their fear mongering didn't work on me and I still have my wallet and shoes. FFFFUUUUCCKKKK YEAAAA. I make it back to my friend's apartment and just crash at his place since it is so close. I actually end up staying up until 3-4 PM because my friend is still up when I get there and we talk until 12 about random shit then get lunch. I wake up at 1 AM LOL and pretty much repeat it all over again.
---
After that, the following week was pretty uneventful, just me wandering to different restaurants everyday for my lunch break with the help of yelp, and wandering to different cafes trying to find that sweet-spot to camp out after work and leech wifi (Still searching...), I bought several hundred dollars worth of winter clothes, and while I know people would probably be dying to hear about the selections I made, I'll spare you the misery.
I actually met up with the xangan @kuyad during one of the weekends for drink and after getting shitfaced off beers, we had a nice, long discussion about various works of literature, people, life, women, dating and all this other shit which I could not possibly do a good job of capturing the details discussed in a few lines. It was certainly a good experience though and I have to say that I enjoyed the guy's open-minded nature and insightful comments. Perhaps one day I will take the time to recollect the highlights of our conversation in another entry, but don't count on it! HAHAHAHAHA. Yo, all I have to say is even if I did a good job of explaining the main points of what we talked about, I think most people would just be like 'Yea, cool, whatever, that was obvious.' which just doesn't make it worth putting in the time especially since I hate repeating myself, even if it's to write down something I said. You know me man, I'm lazy (Which is why I never proofread anything anymore since most people just skim that grade-A bullshit anyway).
So moving on...
My friend called me up this week and asked me if I wanted to go to a Magic the Gathering tournament. While I haven't played MTG in like 4 years, I figured why the fuck not, and I decided to compete in a draft. Now let me tell you, out of 3 games, I went 1-2 but oh my god, that 1 win was the most hilarious shit on the planet. It was like watching two mentally retarded kids playing chess against each other. FUCKING. GREAT. HAHAHAHA. My victory wasn't determined by skill and strategy, but more on which of us was more terrible, which I am proud to say was not I. The kid that I beat (Yes, I stomped and crushed the dreams of a little 12 year old kid. Get on my level?) looked like he was going to cry based on the series of horrible mistakes he made that resulted in his defeat and my victory. When I offered him a handshake, he looked extremely despondent and asked me how long I've been playing since I was new to the store (Most of the people playing were regulars). When I told him that I hadn't played in years, the look of horror on his face gave me the impression that he felt like he had just lost to a toddler at hand-to-hand combat.
While I might have been offended by the fact that he thought I was so terrible, I was too lost in the ecstasy of having won my first match against a child at a card game to really give a shit so I was all
It was certainly an interesting experience (But more than that, extremely amusing), but I'm unsure as to whether I would do it again. It really does feel like a massive waste of time and energy, but who knows, if I'm extremely bored and can't think of anything else to do (In NYC hahahaha) then maybe I'll give it a shot. I certainly wouldn't put it past me. It was certainly nostalgic which is something I enjoy experiencing.
Finally, about 3 days ago, I spent a night at the protests down at Wall St and lived like a homeless person for a day. I normally walk past the protests everyday after work on my way to visit my friend's apartment since I work out with the guy regularly. After that day's work out though, I didn't feel like following my regular routine of riding the train back down to my place so I stopped by Liberty Square and started walking around seeing what was up. I listened in on a few conversations and talked with a few people about what they were protesting and I overall have to say that most of the people there don't really know what the heck is going on lol. There were a few intelligent individuals however that I had long discussions with about the structure of the government, the sustainability of capitalism, and other institutions in our economy which kept me hanging around there until 1-2 AM so I decided why not just borrow a sleeping bag and sleep on the floor with the other 300 people around here (Since it would take an hour to get back home by train and I would have to wake up at 7 to take the same train back to Manhattan for my job anyway).
Hilariously enough, after one of the protesters heard about my housing plight and how I had to find another place to live in about 2 more weeks, asked me to exchange contacts with her because she knew of a friend up in Harlem (Fucking Harlem.... lol) who might be renting out a place so she would give me a heads up if there was any sort of opportunity. She was also a manager of a dance company so she said I should email her to add myself to her mailing list to hear about events her company was hosting and maybe I could stop by, to which I was more than happy to do (It's always nice to hear about shit to do in this city instead of going back home).
After she left to catch the train back to her place, I marched over to the 'comfort station' which was giving out free blankets and borrowed one then grabbed some tarp nearby and set myself up by one of the stone benches and enjoyed a solid 5 hour nap on the concrete before waking up to the sound of loud traffic. I got up and wandered around for a bit since I didn't have to be at work for an hour and it was only a 10 minute walk away. I took advantage of the free breakfast and enjoyed myself a cup of orange juice along with an egg, ham, & cheese croissant hearing some bum talk about how the richest people should pay 50% of what they make every year in taxes (lol) before heading off.
Today, I dressed all fancy as shit in a suit and had a job interview for a position back in Cali which I think I did fairly well on. After talking for a hour and a half about the job, my qualifications for it, the guy's life, my life, and a whole wide-range of random shit, the guy told me that Edison (The company) would probably be contacting me sometime soon, so this could possibly mean that I might be moving back to California sooner than expected thus ending my trip/nightmare/adventure to the east coast. Who knows? If things work out, then I will probably be packing my bags and moving back after having spent a rather hectic month over here and seeing most of what I wanted to see, otherwise I could be here for god knows how long continuing to apply to jobs in both places until something better comes along. I just plan to go wherever work takes me, but whatever happens I have definitely enjoyed my stay thus far.
is so tiring
YEEEE THEN I GOT DRUNK. SPENT A TENTH OF MY MONEYS ON LIQUOR; THAT EITHER MEANS I DRANK A LOT, OR I GET PAID SHIT. INCASE I DIDN'T MENTION IT EARLIER, I GOT DRUNK.
WILL BRING YOU AN EXCITING UPDATE SOON, TOO MUCH GOOD STUFF.
GOOD BEING A SUBJECTIVE TERM NOT SUBJECT TO MEETING YOUR SUBJECTIVE STANDARDS.
I FUCKING LOVE ALL CAPS.
(Play that while you read this so you understand my mood. I aint even mad bro)
Who say anger and revenge-seeking behavior are bad motivators in life, as if they have life all figured out. They don't even realize that by doing this, by pushing a person down when they want to do something about the way they've been treated in life, those retarded, idealistic individuals are saying the person is WRONG.
So that's how a rape victim who wants to see the perpetrator punished gets spun around to be a vengeful slut.
People who smile and constantly say things that sound nice to make themselves feel good about who they are, in reality, are actually the worse kind of people in the world.
I don't like people who strongly believe that following all of this feel-good bullshit will somehow make them happier even though the fact of the matter is that they are just as miserable as the next person only that they've deluded themselves otherwise.
It's easy to preach 'good' advice to other people about the 'right' things to do. It's hard to say what is rightfully true.
All I say is, whatever makes a person get off their ass to do something, is a good thing, whether it be rage, sadness, love, or joy.
When I get angry and a friend tells me to turn the other cheek, I want to punch that friend in the face or slap them upside the head and ask, "Are you angry? Are you going to just take what I did to you? I had no reason to hit you, and that was in no way justified, so are you just going to take that with a smile and continue being my friend? What if I do it again? And again? AND AGAIN!?! How many times is too many times?"
But of course, I don't, because I already know how they will react. People like they are so stupid, especially when you make them eat their own words and they vomit them back out with all the other stupid shit they say they 'believe' in but only say so because they've never really had to put it into practice.
A 'convenient' friend will tell you something like 'Oh get over it' or 'Stop being so angry over something so petty' but a 'great' friend will fucking get up with me and say 'let's go fuck that sonofabitch up and make him wish he never fucked with you'.
I understand what I am saying is a bit extreme, but sometimes there are things that happen that you can't just let go of. Sure, a guy cracks me in the face or steals something valuable from me or stabs me in the back, I can look past that because I know in the bigger picture that doesn't matter, but certain things, you can't look past. Certain things a person does to you, calls for you to cut their fucking head off, so they can't ever do that shit to you, or to anyone else, ever again, because people that do things like that to other human beings, aren't people in my opinion, they are sub-human beings that simply have the same form as you do and don't deserve any sort of sympathy or empathy because they don't have any themselves.
Honestly, when someone is causing or has caused other people so much pain and misery, that isn't ok. I can't just turn my head and say 'Oh well, better be the bigger man.' No, fuck that shit. That's what's wrong with this world today, people just taking the easy way out for everything, hoping everything will just magically 'work out'. You don't like something in life? Then YOU have to change it. YOU have to do something about it. Don't sit around being useless complaining or trying to be self-righteous preaching empty morals to others. That's almost as bad as causing harm onto others because you're discouraging other people from doing something about the suffering in their lives and the lives of others because the motivations aren't what you deem as 'valid'. JOKES!
Also, for anyone that read The Count of Monte Cristo, do you guys think Edmond Dantes would be happy after the story ended? Like, if there was a sequel to the book, would it have told a story of Edmond living a happy life or at least having the ability to live a happy life, or would he have just been miserable and felt lost because he no longer had his 'purpose' for living?
I believe that Edmond would have had the capabilities of finding another reason to live life, but my friend believes otherwise which is his justification for why revenge is 'pointless' because he believes it will leave a person feeling 'empty' after they have exacted it. But I turned around to him and said, "Do you think that people who try to live like you do don't feel empty? Are you happy?" And he thought for a moment and said, "No, I'm not, but I'm trying to be." and I said back to him, "Then don't fuckin' tell other people how to live like you if you're not even happy either. You're just telling other people how to do it wrong just like you, just let people do what they want, because you don't know any better than the rest of us do. You never accomplished your goals, why are you trying to teach other people how to do the same?"
We argued a bit more then I said, "Life is like a book, the only thing written down is the past, the present is what is being written, and the future has yet to be decided. We are the writers and it is up to us to decide what the plot will be, who will be the characters, and when and where, if ever, a climax will occur. Just like authors, there are good ones and bad ones. Good stories, bad stories. Well-written, and poorly-written books. No offense man, but you just don't get it because you're a bad 'writer'. You always say shit that isn't real, that isn't true... The only other people that will believe it are people like yourself. It just sounds nice to say and it's convenient as fuck for you since it lets you blow you own cock, but we all fuckin' know that shit isn't true. I figured that as someone that doesn't believe in religion, you wouldn't fall for all that feel-good bullshit, especially saying revenge is 'pointless' when you agree with me that nothing even matters in life anyway. Why are you trying to argue with me saying I'm biased when you're dragging your own values system as your grounds for rationalizing your argument? Or were you just unaware that you were doing so?"
Guys that try to act like they are so high and mighty... Above all of those 'negative' emotions like anger... Are idiots... LOL. Seriously. Being mad is part of being human. If you haven't felt angry or try your best to not be mad about things, you're just denying yourself what it is to be human, at that point, you're just some fucking robot or 2-dimensional character from a book. It just ain't real, son.
Or maybe I just have serious anger issues? I don't think so though, I don't get mad easily. I let almost anything slide and I am more tolerant and open-minded than most people I meet... But on this topic, I am pretty grounded. If you really want to debate with me about it... lol, I just don't think people really understand what anger is when they say that revenge is bad, and people that say revenge is pointless, don't know what real value is.
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