April 28, 2013

• First satisfying sleep I have had in a while

  And it was literally only 3 hours long, and consisted of a dream where I was originally riding a tandem motorcycle on the highway (They exist) with my girl when suddenly, ZOMBIES! It's like we're warped into a shooter video game and we pull these assault rifles out of our asses to begin firing at everything and anything that moves.

  Yes, they begin pouring out from every orifice the planet has to offer, until it becomes too much, we're like riding over fucking zombies and more zombies until we see this bamboo shack out in the middle of nowhere and the lady acts like she knows what she's doing, she suddenly screams, 'LOOK! FRIENDS~!' and throw a grenade behind her and uses the force of the explosion to throw us into the shack.

  Needless to say, these are the retarded zombies we are dealing with, the kind that have no object permanence so as soon as they see us disappear into the shack, they lose their sudden bloodlust and being going back to wandering about aimlessly chanting the words, 'Brainnnssss.... gahhh.... brainssss'

  Inside of this dark bamboo shack, I am greeted by Harry Potter and a leprechaun holding refuge inside, and everyone does this kind of greeting where we first think we are enemies, but then next second recognize each other and begin hugging as comrades. Everyone except me of course, because I'm still confused as fuck, but that's ok, I'm in a dream and I haven't realized it yet. I'm totally fine with everything that is going on so far. So my girlfriend is in a group hug with Harry Potter and a leprechaun while there are millions of zombies pawing at our boarded up windows like stray puppies trying to be fed, seems perfectly normal, no reason to feel incredulous and think now is the time to wake  up.

  Suddenly the bat logo spins out from the center getting larger until it overtakes the screen, then spirals back inward, and we are all sitting next to a very ostentatious fireplace, possibly still inside of the run-down bamboo shack I blew myself into earlier with a grenade, but probably not as now I feel as if the setting is more suited for my interpretation of Dracula's castle, or possibly Hogwarts... Oh right, I was with Happy Harry earlier, we're probably at Hogwarts then... And... it looks like the zombies are gone. So I guess everyone just forgot about that then, hmm.

  Now the leprechaun speaks, looking at the portraits hanging above the fireplace, and telling this tale of how apocalypse is upon us and the only way for us to survive is to use the power left behind by the great kind leprechaun who was killed by Voldemort... This leprechaun proceeds to go off on a wild, unnecessary tangent talking about how the King was the most powerful creature in the world of magic, but a massive troll (By internet definition, not literal troll under the bridge troll), so he didn't want to bother with any of the dark vs light nonsense... However he was a real hothead, very aggressive and arrogant so the dark hand eventually managed to manipulate him to fight on their side... When he found out however, he used his own Irish magiks to destroy Voldemort's HQ proceeding to declare war... So all of ol'Voldemort's top henchmen started fighting against this guy (Queue epic fight scenes which I will not attempt to describe, one after the other), until finally Voldemort's right hand man with some corny HP name like Henrik the Harbinger, who has this giant steel gauntlet nearly got at the king by sneaking up behind him and blowing out his eye by grabbing his head, like Gambit from X-Men (God, my descriptions and storytelling are just so next level)...

  The king, pissed off at this point that he's wounded grabs this guy's corpse after killing him, and rips out his heart and fuses it into his chest in order to make direct contact with Voldemort and destroy him, but yea yea, as you know Voldemort sees the guy coming, so instead he detonates the heart like some massive grenade and kills the King, as the king is dying, he snaps his fingers and gold coins fall out of his eyes and ears, then we queue back to the fireplace and the leprechaun says 'So we must find these gold coins ye see, as they are the clue to unlocking the power of the king, resurrecting him to help us in this fight.'

  Harry and the girl are like 'Yes, where do we start!'

  and I'm like, 'I think I've had enough of this...' so I wake up feeling absolutely refreshed for the first time in ages and leave those other 3 to carry on in their magical business. 

   

  • 11:40 pm
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