November 4, 2011

  • That awkward moment

    I was trying to look for a coffee shop to leech some free wifi to look up some directions on my laptop while I was down at Brooklyn Heights yesterday, so I saw this 'Brooklyn Heights Cafe' and walked inside thinking it was just your run of the mill coffee joint.

    A young, attractive waitress smiles and greets me when I walk inside then leads me to a cozy little table by the window with an oceanside view complimented with scented candles then proceeds to pull out the chair for me to have a seat.

    At this point, I'm thinking to myself, 'Boy, this place sure is nice for a coffee shop...' 

    And then I look over at the barista and I see all of these bottles of wine lined up against the wall and no espresso machine. I'm like 'Hmm... What kind of coffee shop is this? What the fuck?' And as that thought is running through my mind, another waitress comes by and gives me 3 menus, followed by another that pours me a glass of ice water and brings me a hand-woven basket of bread with what appears to be a side of churned butter. 

    By this point, I am starting to catch on that something isn't right, and I think to myself 'This coffee shop doesn't seem very coffee shop-like to me...' and as I am about to pull out my laptop from my bag I look around and I see that nobody else has a laptop out, it is just a bunch of old people in expensive clothes eating what appears to be expensive food.

    Wait, why are they serving entrees at cafes? OH god......

    I open the menu and LOL. Everything in this 'cafe' is around the $40-60 price range, the cheapest thing I can buy is a garden salad for $26....

    $26 SALAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. BRB WHILE I GO CHEW ON GRASS OUTSIDE.

    The waitress looks over at me and I think she does not notice my look of shock and horror because she walks up to me and asks 'So what would you like to order ? happy'

    And I respond, 'I... Uh... I'll have.... What kind of water do you guys have on tap?' 

    She laughs, but not really the genuine kind of laugh more of like the 'Ha ha. That's funny, you want to order water. How cute, but seriously...... You better buy something' kind of laugh. So her smile flickers a bit kind of like an old lightbulb at a warehouse and she sort of stares at me with this 'The free bread we serve here has more class than you do.' kind of stare as I continue staring at the menu like it's a fucking Sudoku puzzle trying to figure out where the hell their extra, extra value menu is while chillin' in my purple hoodie stuck in this room of suits. 

    Finally, I clear my throat and tell her:

    Me: I........ will............

    Her: Yes?

    Me: Have...........

    Her: Yes?

    Me: The...........

    Her: Uh huh...........?

    Me: Check.

    Her: .............

    Me: For the bread.

    Her: ............

    Me: ............ 

    Her: ............

    Me: And the water. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Her: 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Me:  

     

     

     

     

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